It sucks when your Mom’s death anniversary is within days of Mothers Day. My poor kids. I’ll be a mess tomorrow. Hopefully it will get better as the years go on. It’s kinda unfair to cry all day when your kids and husband are trying to make you feel special.

I’ve had a bad day. I’ve had a bad week. I have been tired, cranky, and negative. I’ve said things in the classroom I shouldn’t have said. Sure, it’s been a tough crowd this year. But it isn’t like me to tell a kid to have fun working at McDonalds. Yes, I did it. And I feel terrible for it. That is not who I am. I plan on apologizing to the kid tomorrow. But still, everyone is pissing me off.

And then I saw the calendar. Mothers Day is upon us. I know that noone reads this blog but FYI… my Mom died 3 years ago right around Mothers Day. To be exact it happened on May 5th. And also FYI … I was really close with my Mom.

My shitty week has really been about me being mad at the world for taking my Mom when I still needed her. Sure, my kids are taking the state standardized test. But I usually don’t give a flip about those test. Although I do admit that the change in schedule annoys me.

What really annoys me - I can’t call my mom on Mothers Day. Also, I have to accept sappy Mothers Day gifts and cards from my kids and husband and try to act happy. How shitty is that!!! As a mother, my Mothers Day is ruined for the rest of my life. And it’s not just because I lost my mother. It’s because her date of death just happened to fall on Mothers Day week.

Poor pitiful me. I’ll try not to cry or bother people too much about it. I will call my brother out of spite because he never returns my calls. And I will leave a detailed message reminding him that our Mom died 3 years ago. Actually I probably won’t do that. That would be mean. But this is where I am in my head right now. Just not nice.

I’ve tried so hard to concentrate on the positive. But I am going to allow myself some grieving time in the next 2 weeks. After all, at least I don’t have a bi-tri-quadruple cry a week like I did the first year she was gone. Progress had been made.

One more thing I need to do - find a way to help my sons honor and remember her on the anniversary of her death. Maybe that will give me an opportunity to make this more rejoiceful than just pissed.

We shall see. And I hope I send more joy than sadness to those around me in the next couple weeks despite my sadness.

So I have always recorded the soap Days of our Lives. My recording habits have half to do with the fact that I watched it/ talked about it with my Mom. The other half of “reason” is, well, just because. Okay? Okay!

Yes, I am just a stupid asshole who watches her Days when there is extra time. A month will go by and I have 30 recordings that I have to erase. But on the occasional Saturday or holiday I play catch up.

Soaps are fun if you invest the time. It seems like just yesterday when my Mom and I were talking shit about the Kristen wanna be and her vampire fixation. And we LOVED impersonating Marlena Black as a demon during our late night long distance convos. I was a teen back then. I sure wish she was still around to talk “Days” with me. If she had a grave she would be rolling over to hear “All My Kids” (another mom fave) was cancelled. I can only imagine her in heaven giving a wicked Ericka Cane SMH.

So why do I still watch? I miss All My Kids since that was my fave. But now I’m stuck with the last holder onto. Days is one of the last. I think I’ll be sad when it, and all the others that haven’t yet, gets cancelled.

Daytime soaps will probably be gone in the next two years. Odd that DVR and the Soap channel didn’t help. I think it may be that the breed is dying. As much as it pains me to say, reality TV can be pretty great. Of course I lean towards Rupaul, but those Housewives sure give a girl a prick to tease. Yes, joking, duh.

So I guess I will relish all the twists and turns. I’ll probably even say aloud “Shit Mom, can you believe this shit?”. This imaginary in my head convo assures me that I have what it takes to be a soap watcher. I am truly Kray-Kray!

kellyoxford:

Don’t think too much about it, or you’ll remember we’ve already seen them age, just enjoy the whole “Are Cage and Travolta Vampires?” thing and let’s hope for more.

ilovecharts:

via Brian Confrey

Interesting.